


Stakes of the Game

by ArdeaJestin



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - 1970s, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Carnival, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-25
Updated: 2019-08-25
Packaged: 2020-09-26 11:15:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20388799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArdeaJestin/pseuds/ArdeaJestin
Summary: “If you want to keep playing, it’s on me, I got more customers tonight than in the last week.”He smiles again, as if he’s trying to come up with something to say, but ends up scratching the back of his neck. Since he won’t relent, Rey decides to take the plunge. Nothing risked, nothing gained, just like in any game.“However,” she adds, tilting her head to the side, “if you’re trying to hit on me, you’ll actually need to say something.”





	Stakes of the Game

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Trish47](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trish47/gifts).

> This was written for Trish, who asked for Ben and Rey meeting at a carnival (he's being his grumpy self, she's manning the water gun game) and ending the evening in the back of Ben's pick-up truck. 
> 
> This came out *much* angstier than I expected, but that's what you get for binge-watching the nine-hour documentary Ken Burns did on Vietnam. I really hope you like it, though!

They’ve been walking around the fairground for all of five minutes, and already Ben knows he shouldn’t have come.

He could’ve figured it out earlier, before picking up the phone by his bed to hear Hux ask for the hundredth time if he was planning to get out of the house, before getting up, before slipping on some jeans and picking up a crumpled white tee-shirt from the floor, before dragging himself to the fridge and cracking open a beer, the only way to ease the outside world into something he can actually stand. He could’ve figured it out, but then the idea of spending another night alone, staring at the television without seeing anything, was unbearable.

Usually, when the walls of his condo start to feel like they’re closing in on him, he drives out to the dive on the highway leading into town, and Hux is there with the rest of the guys and up for a game of pool or two. Not that he particularly likes socializing with them, but at least they’re familiar faces, and their conversation always keeps to a minimum. But tonight the carnival is in town, so instead of deadbeats toiling at the bottom of the food chain, they’re young men again, looking for fun, looking for girls and trouble.

Ben isn’t looking for anything. In fact, he’s trying not to look too closely. The flashing lights, the cheerful music, the smell of fried dough and the colorful prizes spilling out from every booth in a fake, bloated display of abundance, all of this makes his heart lurch.

“So, what do you want to do first?” Hux asks the group.

They go for the Enterprise. Ben hesitates, wonders if he should just drain the flask of bourbon stashed in his back pocket, a safety net of sorts, then let his head swim into oblivion as the ride spins him around in the air. But if he’s going to make it through the evening, he has to pace himself.

“You guys go ahead, I’m getting something to eat.”

He wanders around the dusty lot transformed into a sea of brightly colored aisles. He feels like a ghost, or some kind of dark, lumbering creature amid the cheerful families and excited kids running around, their fingers and mouths sticky with cotton candy. He’s hungry now, but every time he slows to stop at a food booth, he thinks he’s going to have to smile and make small talk while waiting for a lousy hot dog and it’s probably not worth it. He should try a game first, he thinks, he was always good at those. He’s found it helps for him to focus on a simple challenge, on a small frame of action, just like it did when he was in combat. Forget everything else and aim.

He sees a booth with toy rifles and balloons whirling around in small cages, but the noise of the shots and the burst balloons and ensuing cries of victory makes him recoil immediately. He passes the duck pond and the bell ring and the skeeball, and all the way down the aisle, where the carnival ends and the darkness begins, there’s a deserted water gun game.

And then Ben sees her.

*

Typical of Plutt to make her set up her booth at the far end of the aisle, Rey seethes, leaning against the counter and eyeing the surroundings to see if there are any kids in sight who look like they might want a go. He doles out good spots like a king doling out favors, as if being the manager of this dinky, run-down carnival gave him any sort of standing in the world. He’s nothing but a drifter, just like the rest of them, though she doesn’t know what that makes her, manning the smallest booth night after night, taking in the least amount of profit, having no say over anything.

No one. She’s no one, really. The only time she feels like she exists is when a tot smiles up at her after winning a toy, but then it’s gone so quickly, the families and the children leave and the lights blink for no one, and the cheap toy will lie forgotten somewhere, at best a fleeting memory – _Remember when Andy won this at the carnival? When was that, five years ago?_

Time goes by and leaves her behind, glancing her way only sporadically and without much interest, just like the passersby are doing tonight. She doesn’t know why Plutt insisted to keep this town on the itinerary, they made a terrible profit here last year. It’s nothing more than a dot in the middle of the desert, really, though she was born in the grime and wind and heat and so she can take it better than most.

Rey props her chin in her palm and her eyes wander up and down the aisle again. There’s a young man heading her way, kicking up dust from the ground as he walks, in jeans and a white tee-shirt and beat-up cowboy boots. Most guys his age who come to the carnival are only interested in the rides or the miniature rifle range, and if they come to her booth it’s to try and score after drinking one too many Budweisers, so when he makes his way towards her, she stiffens with apprehension. But still, she plasters on a smile, because that’s what you’re supposed to do if you want a chance at bringing in a little money and not making the evening a total loss.

“Hey there,” she says. “Looking for a challenge? Lots of great prizes to win and only fifty cents a game!”

He nods without a word and takes out two dollar bills from his back pocket. Rey grins and he sits on one of the stools, taking aim at the targets shaped like gaudy plastic flowers. She’s about to explain the rules to him, but he starts immediately. And nails it. Steady hand, terrific aim, she doesn’t think ever she’s seen anyone so good at this dumb game.

“Wow, very impressive!” she exclaims. “A few more rounds like that...”

He looks up at her with a half-smile and her stomach does a little flip. As he keeps playing, she checks him out from the corner of her eye. The very definition of tall, dark and handsome, though it’s a handsomeness you don’t necessarily notice at first, the sort that takes you by surprise and hits you full force when you do. And those arms of his, stretching the white cotton fabric with thick, rolling muscles, they look like they could pick her up as if she weighed no more than a feather. Rey sighs. For once in a blue moon, she wouldn’t mind a bit of flirting, but he still hasn’t said a word.

As he plays more rounds, people start to wander over to watch and play themselves, and suddenly Rey is busy and her till is filling up. She should buy this guy a drink for the business he’s bringing in. She should buy him a drink just because she wants to sit in a dark bar with him and have him sit in front of her and get an eyeful of this gorgeous, silent stranger as he sips on a glass of whiskey.

With all the points he’s racked up by now, he could have any prize in the booth, and yet he gives no indication of wanting to stop. A couple of kids, old enough to be here without their parents and hyper on soda and candy, come over and start to mouth off loudly on how lame and easy this looks. The stranger glances up at Rey with an amused glint in his eyes before roundly kicking their asses.

“Thanks for that,” she says when they’ve slunk off, defeated. “If you want to keep playing, it’s on me, I got more customers tonight than in the last week.”

He smiles again, as if he’s trying to come up with something to say, but ends up scratching the back of his neck. Since he won’t relent, Rey decides to take the plunge. Nothing risked, nothing gained, just like in any game.

“However,” she adds, tilting her head to the side, “if you’re trying to hit on me, you’ll actually need to say something.”

*

“I’m Ben.”

He’s been racking his brain on how to start a conversation with the girl at the water gun booth for more than an hour, but everything he came up with sounded lame and tired. So instead he just stayed there and played, finding it oddly satisfying and relaxing to hit the nozzle of the plastic flowers and see the water level go up in the tubes above them.

Of course that’s not why he sat down in the first place. It’s _her_ – fresh and beautiful and luminous, with a smile that shines brighter than all the carnival lights. He wasn’t planning on anything really. He just thought it would be a kind mercy to himself to spend a little time in the vicinity of pure loveliness.

But the longer he stayed, unable to tear himself away, the more she was expecting him to say something, _anything_, because she doesn’t look like she’s an idiot and she knows now it’s not just the game keeping him there. And when she called him out playfully, her hazel eyes sparkling with mischief, he blurted out the first thing he could think of, which actually isn’t the worse place to start.

“Rey,” she replies. “Nice to finally meet the person who kept me from going bust tonight. You from around here?”

“I live right in town.”

“So how about you show me where I can buy you a drink to thank you?”

Before he can reply, he hears someone bellowing his name. He turns to see Hux and the others heading towards him, fresh off the rides with a detour to someone’s trunk for a six-pack or two.

“There you are,” Hux says. “We’ve been looking all over for your sorry ass. You ready to go?”

“I’m good, man.”

Hux eyes Rey insistently and her smile falters. “Yeah, I can see that. Well, you got yourself a straight shooter here, ma’am, so enjoy.”

The others guffaw loudly and Hux slaps Ben on the shoulder before leaving the same way they came.

“Friends of yours?” Rey asks tersely.

“What passes for friends in these parts, which isn’t saying much,” Ben says, standing from the stool. “They’re probably heading straight to the only decent bar for miles too, so we can forget about getting a drink there.”

Rey nods and smiles, but it isn’t reaching her eyes, and Ben scrambles for a save. “I do have a flask of bourbon in my pocket and a pick-up truck, though.”

She bursts out laughing. “You sure know how to charm a girl. Add some takeout and you’ve got yourself a date. Let me close this up first, all right?”

They decide to meet in the parking lot in half an hour, which gives Ben enough time to go from sheer bliss at the thought of this gorgeous woman sitting next to him in his truck to horrified certainty that he’ll never be able to pull this off. He hasn’t been on a date since his freshman year of college and he was another person entirely back then, cocksure and confident. He’s pretty sure he was an insufferable jerk too, so maybe it’s better that Rey gets to meet this version of himself instead.

She seems to enjoy his company in any case, sauntering up to his truck like a schoolgirl skipping class and chattering away as they head to the drive-thru. Or maybe she just enjoys anyone’s company, she seems like that kind of person.

“Plutt’s going to lay it on me to leave before closing time, but there was barely anyone left,” she says, turning the dial on his radio until she lands on a rock station. “I made more than enough given the crappy spot he assigned to me.”

“Plutt?”

“The manager of the carnival. My boss. He’s a major pain in the ass.”

“How’d you wind up working for him?”

They pull into a burger joint and Rey’s attention switches to the menu. They both order cheeseburgers and fries and Ben can’t remember the last time he was actually looking forward to a meal.

“Do you know a spot where we can park?” she asks when they retrieve the greasy bags. “We can eat in the back of your truck, under the starry sky – it’ll be like our very own restaurant terrace.”

He gives a little laugh. Her enthusiasm touches something inside of him he thought had disappeared long ago. “Sure thing.”

He takes her to a ridge on the outskirts of town, right at the edge of a long stretch of road that must lead some place but looks like it’s bound for nowhere. Ben arranges a blanket on the floor of the pick-up to make it more comfortable and they sit there in the soothing darkness, digging in to the fast food like it’s a feast with the radio warbling in the background.

“So, about Plutt and my sorry history with him,” she says between bites of her burger, “my mother owed him money.”

Ben is surprised. He thought it was a sensitive topic and didn’t press when she failed to answer his question, but Rey opens herself up to him like it’s the most natural thing in the world.

“He’s your typical small town crook with delusions of grandeur. I was fifteen when my mother died, and he made it clear he wasn’t letting me off the hook. He offered me to join the carnival and I accepted, because I was a minor and it was either that or foster care. No thanks, I got enough abuse from my own family. Totally illegal for him to employ me at that age, of course, but that’s what fake ID is for.” She finishes the burger in a few ravenous mouthfuls, and Ben wonders if she ever knew what it was like to be hungry – _really_ hungry. “I’ve been part of it ever since – five long years. I’d like to settle down somewhere, but what else is there for me to do, you know?”

He finishes his burger too and wipes his fingers on a paper napkin. “All I can tell you is that a smile like yours is wasted on a water gun game.”

It would be cheesy if he didn’t mean every single word of it. Rey blushes and fiddles with a fry. “I bet you tell that to all the girls manning carnival booths,” she jokes, but he can tell his words hit their mark.

“Hardly. I never go to carnivals. I actually don’t like them that much.”

“Really? You could have fooled me, the way you played.”

He knows what she’s going to say next. He knows because he can’t expect her to lay her personal history out to him like that and not except something in return. The real question is whether he’ll tell her the truth or not.

“Seriously, where’d you learn how to aim like that?”

*

Ben is quiet for a long time.

In fact, it’s only a few seconds, but it stretches out as Rey makes the sudden and agonizing realization that the answer might not be _On my father’s farm _or _Practicing on empty beer cans for fun_. Given his age, his stature, the depth and seriousness of his gaze that goes far beyond his years…

She shakes her head, mortified. “I’m sorry. That was stupid of me to ask. You don’t have to answer.”

He shrugs it off. “It’s all right. I -” He hesitates for a moment. “I spent thirteen months in Vietnam. Marines. Right in the thick of it.”

“Shit. That’s rough.”

He takes a few fries, then puts them back into the greasy box without eating them. “I enrolled. It was my choice. I was in college but I wanted to serve my country. It didn’t go down well with my parents. My father told me over and over that I was making a terrible mistake, that I’d regret it. He was right, but that didn’t make it any easier when I came back.”

Rey looks at him without saying a word, waiting for him to continue. He doesn’t need any prodding, though. It’s almost as if he’s been waiting for someone he can tell all of this to, lift the weight off his chest.

“When you’re out there, you don’t think – you just act, because there’s no choice. You shoot or you get shot. You’re risking your life but it’s easier in a way. When you return, there’s nothing else for you to do but mull it over constantly, and there’s no way you can talk to anyone who hasn’t been there because Christ, who wouldn’t be horrified if you told them what you did?”

He leans back and stares out into the void above them. “I’d been planning to go back to college, but I just couldn’t. I couldn’t face all those people who had seen reports on TV, who thought we were murderers. So I stayed with my parents, but that was no better. My father made it very clear what a disappointment I was, and as for my mom… Every time she looked at me...”

He trails off and shakes his head, unable to go on. Rey scoots closer to him, settles her shoulder against his.

“Hey,” she says softly. “It’s okay. We all have to make our way somehow.”

“That’s what I try to tell myself. I’m better off here than with them anyway. But ending up in this dump, alone, working dead-end jobs… It’s so far from what I imagined my life to be like.”

“Well, you don’t have to stay. What’s keeping you? Just pack up and go.”

Ben gives a little laugh and the warmth returns to his eyes. The tip of his fingers graze the back of her hand and they intertwine with hers. The touch electrifies her, and she can’t help a small intake of breath at the sensation.

“Well, you don’t have to leave,” he replies.

Their eyes meet and they know the whole evening has been leading up to this moment, but even so, when Ben slides his mouth over hers, she feels like she’s melting and throbbing with palpable, white-hot desire at the same time. He’s gentle at first, but as they start to lose themselves in their kiss, he grows bolder, slipping one hand in her hair and the other on the small of her waist.

She moves to straddle him, feeling his desire tighten against his jeans. She feels like she’s been starving for years and is finally being sated, and even though she never does this kind of thing and she’s known him for a minute and it’s entirely unreasonable to make out with a near stranger in the back of his truck and let him inch his fingers under the hem of her top, she can’t stop. His hands roam up her ribs, large and strong against her small frame, and squeeze her breasts over the lacy nylon of her bra. Rey groans against his mouth. She wants more, so much more with him, more than she’s ever wanted before.

She makes to undo at his belt buckle, impatiently tugging at the leather strap. Ben stops his ministrations and she finds that he’s trembling slightly, his fingers clenching against the soft skin of her back.

“Is this okay?” she asks breathlessly.

“Yeah, just give me a moment,” he rumbles in a low voice.

They start to kiss again but Rey can feel him tense under her, though his desire stays unabated. She breaks away gently and unhands his belt, resting her forehead against his.

“We can stop if you’re not ready,” she says. “We don’t have to go any further.”

“I want to – I want _you_, so badly, you can’t even imagine,” he replies. “But it’s too much all at once. I never thought I’d get another chance to be with someone like that.”

“I understand,” she tells him, and she does, even though she’s disappointed. She wonders if he’ll want to drive her back now. She wonders if she’ll ever see him again, and the idea that she might not is a thousand times worse than not going all the way with him.

She sits back down next to him and makes to pull away, but he stops her, one strong arm circling her shoulders.

“Can I just… hold you for a while?” he asks. “Keep you close to me?”

Rey nods and a grin fights its way up to her lips. “Yes. Yes, you can.”

It’s the first and only time in her life that someone asked this of her.

They kiss some more and talk and look at the stars, then drift off to sleep after hours that feel like seconds.

*

Ben wakes with the dawn, and Rey curled up against him.

It grew cold in the early hours and he found a way to drape the blanket over them. She’s sleeping so soundly he fears he might wake her if he moves, but he can’t help but stroke the soft strands of hair that fell over her cheek. She’s so beautiful in the morning light, it’s almost worth having morning come after a night he wished would last forever.

_You don’t have to leave_, he thinks.

She stirs slightly and slides an arm over his chest, trying to draw him even closer, but doesn’t open her eyes.

_Please don’t leave, Rey._

There’s so much he still wants to tell her, so much he wants to do now that she’s here with him.

“I’m hungry,” she mumbles. “Let’s get some breakfast.”

He holds back a laugh. “Right now?”

He can feel her smiling against his chest. “I suppose it can wait. I don’t have anything planned today.”


End file.
